a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
