i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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