I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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