perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize