So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
