I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just high enough for therapy.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
