I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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