You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
