he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
