Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
