I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
