I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
