All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
