But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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