He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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