my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
