So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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