as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
