Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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