dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
