remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
