I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
