My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i believe in u and ur pee
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize