i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
