i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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