When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
