you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize