How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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