I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
wat bout pragnant strippers??
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
