I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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