No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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