Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
