oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
