return my video game
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
