I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
