he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
