I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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