those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
there's paper in my vomit.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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