It's Friday. Sex?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
