I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
