I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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