That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
