I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
