Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
