Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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