someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
