I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
