this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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