i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
