how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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