i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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