Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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