oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
