I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
