It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
