so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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