my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
