it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
