I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
third nipple confirmed
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
