party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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