Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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