Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
