when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Randomize
