So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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