Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
