please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
