I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
