Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
