I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
