fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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