also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
