Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dicks are not precious.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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