And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
