i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
