He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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