go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
